


Where I Stood

by katherynmae



Category: Strictly Come Dancing RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 18:33:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5550950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katherynmae/pseuds/katherynmae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yet another experience in watching the woman you love more than anything in the world slowly fall in love with someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where I Stood

**Author's Note:**

> Creds go to Missy Higgins and my brain for living in fantasy world some more.

Hovering in the front window, watching the car pull into the driveway and idle, John Vincent turned his attention from the television to stare out the bay window. He watched the driver get out of car, circle around the hood of the car and open the passenger side door, offering his hand to the woman as she stepped out. They moved to embrace one another and almost instinctively, John felt his stomach turn at the gesture, seeing him move to press a soft kiss to the woman’s cheek. A reminder that the gestures were nothing more than friendly between the two of them seemed ridiculous, whether they admitted it or not, John knew that there was something more between the two of them. 

_I don't know what I've done_  
_Or if I like what I've begun_  
_But something told me to run  
_ _And honey you know me it's all or none_

Mornings came and went these days, and the further that Katie and Anton got into their training sessions, the shorter her mornings at home had become. Lately, it felt like by the time John was awake for the day, Katie was running out the door, promising that she would be in touch about when she was planning on being home that evening. He missed the days when the two of them would sit and enjoy each others’ company, trying to find something for the two of them to do with the girls, and he stared out the window, seeing Katie run to meet Anton at his car. It had become even more customary for Anton to pick Katie up early before training, oftentimes treating her to a breakfast out before they headed off for the day. And as hard as it was for him to admit to himself, he could see just how easily Katie was slipping away from him and, at the same time, becoming a much bigger part of Anton’s world. 

_There were sounds in my head_  
_Little voices whispering_  
_That I should go and this should end  
_ _Oh and I found myself listening_

Saturday nights had a new tradition this fall in the Derham-Vincent household; the two girls chose a place each week to order takeaway from and they made a pillow and blanket fort in front of the television, tuned into _Strictly_ for the evening. They had found it much more entertaining than waiting to record it and watching it back on Sunday afternoons with their mother, and they spent the majority of the evening in anticipation to see how their mother would do that evening. John, on the other hand, merely joined in one the viewing because the girls insisted he had to watch with them. In reality though, he wanted to be far away from anything that showed just how close Anton and his wife had become. He saw it in her eyes when she looked at him, and when they danced together, and he knew that there was something much more than friendship when the two of them looked at each other.

_'Cause I don’t know who I am, who I am without you_  
_All I know is that I should_  
_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_  
_All I know is that I should_  
_'Cause he will love you more than I could  
_ _He who dares to stand where I stood_

John hadn’t meant to show up at the studio, using a surprise lunch date with Katie, especially since he hadn’t even thought of letting her know that he was stopping by. As he looked through the glass, his gaze landing on where both Katie and Anton were sitting on the floor of the studio, leaning against the mirror. They had Chinese takeaway containers in front of them and John swallowed a bit nervously, seeing Katie let out a long laugh, resting her head on Anton’s shoulder. As she leaned against his side, John shifted on his feet, seeing Anton wrap his arms around her and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. The gesture was far too obvious and John swallowed once more, making his way from the studio, his mind already made up on what he had to do next. 

_See I thought love was black and white_  
_That it was wrong or it was right_  
_But you ain't leaving without a fight  
_ _And I think I am just as torn inside_

The news of the divorce reached the ears of the public shortly after the New Years, which seemed to relieve them all a bit with the month’s delay. Of course, the gossip columns ate up every scrap of very real information about Katie and Anton’s sudden, whirlwind relationship after her divorce. Each article seemed to dig a bit deeper, as if it reminded John that the sixteen years of their marriage had gone up in smoke so quickly and he spent night after night burning the newspaper clippings over the stove. He knew that he should have seen it coming from the moment they had met, but it wasn’t enough to reassure him. 

_'Cause I don’t know who I am, who I am without you_  
_All I know is that I should_  
_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_  
_All I know is that I should_  
_'Cause he will love you more than I could  
_ _He who dares to stand where I stood_

He barely heard much of Katie from their daughters either, almost as if she had asked them to keep him in the dark about what was new with her. Anything he seemed to hear about her these days come from magazine articles that bent the truth far too much, or occasional vague tweets that either she or Anton sent out. The both of them had blocked him, and he wasn’t sure if it was out of respect or simply to keep the reminders of their relationship from him. Katie was social to him when they met on weekends to figure out when their daughters were spending time with one or the other, but he couldn’t help but notice how her eyes shone. She was so full of life and John hated how the slightest mention of Anton seemed to bring so much joy to her features. 

_And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call_  
_You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all_  
_But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you  
_ _This is what I have to do_

The announcement of their marriage hurt the worst, it came in a tweet that Katie had sent out of the silver band on her finger, three small diamonds adorning it, along with the message “It’s as good as a time as any to say…I’m marrying my best friend. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life dancing with him.” At first, John had hesitated to believe it was real, not that he doubted Katie, but he more couldn’t believe that Anton and her would have rushed into the idea of marriage so quickly. But shortly after that, a similar tweet from Anton confirmed his concerns and he felt his stomach twist in knots, quietly admitting how happy Katie seemed with him. 

_'Cause I don’t know who I am, who I am without you_  
_All I know is that I should_  
_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
_ _All I know is that I should_

John wouldn’t forget the date of their wedding, a beautifully sunny July weekday, and he had seen somewhere that it was exactly between both of their birthdays and he already dreaded that evening, knowing that they would be by after the reception with the girls, eager to drop them off for the week while they jetted off on their honeymoon. He did have to admit that he envied how brightly Katie smiled in photos now, her eyes lighting up whenever Anton was around, as if she was competing to match the shine of the rings on her finger. As he thought back, he couldn’t even remember the last time before their divorce that she had flashed him such a genuine smile, and the memory seemed almost painful to think of. 

_'Cause he will love you more than I could  
_ _He who dares to stand where I stood_

Now, he found himself pulling the photograph that he had kept hidden in the back of his wallet out, running his fingers over the creases. He wouldn’t stop loving her, he knew that and he let the photo fall to the bottom of the trash bin, not needing a reminder that she was no longer his to love. The photo would have to be replaced one day with one of his daughters, being the only tie that he held to the love of his life, and he could find a way to live with that. It wouldn’t be easy, sometimes he still wished that Katie would come back home to him, but when he thought about her happiness, he reminded himself that he had done one of the biggest things in his life. And he would have to be happy with letting the love of his life be happy with the love of hers. 

_Oh, he who dares to stand where I stood_


End file.
